Life

Why can't life be easy?
Why can't love be everything,
you ever wanted?

My life is certainly not easy lately, I have had this (I wanna drive my car into a tree) feeling...yea I know that's not good. My relationship has been failing with the only guy I have ever loved, and will ever love...yes and that sounds like all those teenage girls that I make fun of, but with me its different...I lied really badly to him and I can't seem to make things right and I really don't know what to do...for once I don't know whats right. I do love him and want him to always be with me but can I handle the consequences for my actions? I really want to make things right, I don't even know if Im moving in the right direction.
Also its difficult finding time for all my friends, my 2 separate families...yea that's right 2 families...my moms and step dads, and then my real dad (which I have only known for a couple years) they really dislike each other, I hate being in the middle of that.
Graduation is coming up and I have no clue how I'm going to survive without seeing my friends again, they are the ones that help me through hard times...what am i going to do without them?
Well there is my whining for awhile....sorry to bug anyone with my many problems

peace,
Joleah

My Writing

I'm going to post some of my poems, they may not be too good but oh well. I write a variety as you will see.

The following poem I wrote a few days ago, my lies dug me in way too deep and I'm struggling with the truth.

Annihilation

Trapped in my own web of lies,
now finally broken free,
but am I really free?
NO
The consequences of my actions,
drowning me,
suffocating me,
on my last breath,
with no where to turn.
I am backed into a corner,
and cannot get out,
not even with the truth,
the lies have annihilated,
my life,
my love,
my relationship,
every fucking thing.
I'll never get my life back,
the lies took over and destroyed,
all of my hope.
So let this be heard,
My anger within is rising,
above my control.

I wrote this next one for a contest on my other poetry site, its about which is the most powerful, ice or fire.

Fire and Ice

I would say the world will end,
in fire.
Flames and desire already rule the world,
People can't resist the heat.
I could be wrong because,
Ice,
could be as devastating,
In its own way.
People with ice in their hearts,
not able to find warmness and compassion.
Fire or ice,
will surely win,
The question is,
Which would the world prefer?


I wrote this for my grandma who passed away from cancer in 2000...I still miss her badly.

You Lost The Battle

You lost the battle
between the disease and your will.
I lost you,
you were so happy before,
holding me in your arms,
not wanting to let go of
your granddaughter,
I was always known as your
special little girl,
the one you spoiled and sent back home
the one who cried at scary TV shows,
such as "Unsolved Mysteries".
You treasured me,
up until the morning that you slipped away,
away from everything.
Cancer won, you had a strong will to live,
but you were still ripped away from us.
I will never forget you grandma,
you meant the world to me.


dont ask on this one...I dont know it just came to me.

Nightmares of a Murderer

Bone jarring shrieks shatter the night.
Bloody hands and rusted knives.
Scarred soul with hatred burning,
Through the night he's stealing lives.

Death filled whispers of insanity,
Into the ears of innocent children.
Chuckles escaping from a dry mouth,
The calling of those who will not win.

Scraping across the eerie floor.
Wide-eyed terror, hands uplifted.
Sense gracefully leaves the room.
Blank eyes, cold hands, body held rigid.

Ascending out of lifeless room,
Gasping at life, corpse is shaking.
Dropping the knife, slightly unsteady,
Our corrupt master is now awakening.

Body invaded with foreign sense,
Drowning in the waves of ecstasy.
Giggling silently as he tiptoes on.
Not a single thought of mercy.

Dancing with his chaotic fantasies,
He marches on through his parade.
He only stops at a quiet house.
The party goes on as rain cascades.

The saddest thing of this story is...
I can only call it, A dream that's there.
Reality and Fantasy are now one.
Though I wish it was just My Nightmare.

My Life As It Stands

Hello,

My name is Joleah, I'm a high school senior with many hobbies. I enjoy writing, dancing, singing, drawing, etc. I am engaged to a wonderful guy, things couldn't seem better, but my life is not the easiest. This is a place to express myself through my writing. I hope you enjoy my work to come.

Enjoy,

Joleah